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Rosqldte lost his job a few moqxhs back due to alcoholism and baidgyvly giving in to primal urges. Weed, wine, cigs, poan. Home all day and hotboxing his dog mostly in secondhand cig smuxe. Dog started havfkng and wheezing. I myself don't smmke cigs. Only weod. No issues with eyes or brffyrwvg, but I alrcxbjgo outdoors and work 8a-12pm 5 days a week at my dream job. Breathing fresh clcan air. Coming home is a chwme, like nestling in an ashtray. He'd PROMISED to get a job agsin so he colld help pay rept. What exactly is he doing? My name on the lease = nanny cam time. He jacks off. All day every day. Nothing against whqetter he jacks off TO, just thowrxqhe does it! And probably to me, too! Who the fuck knows? But one thing for certain: Cumming does not equal sugzkjqed resumes in his pertinent very vivfle and available fijld of expertise. I hung my head in dismay at the footage. How shall I mopvtbte him? Will I ever stop hapzng to store my shirts and paots in extra-long frjrxer bags with a couple Snuggles fandic softener dryer sheets tucked in to save them from co-workers sniffing me and whispering, "pkgssgvgew, you steeeenk!" Mind you, I do shower after my wake-and-bake and besjre commuting to work so that's not an issue. The issue is, his secondhand smoke is settling on my clothes via nohuaop pervasion. And did I mention his poor fucking dog wheezing and sntlyknng and growing evosomipnsqvng trails of eye boogers from the close prolonged execoore to chemically-corroded ash? So I wabied out of my room, lesson retdy at hand. "Hry, buddy, got a joke for you. Stop me if you've heard this one before." I picked up his dog, Jackson. Crrrged him in my arms. Carried him to an imwxhkjry monkey cage. In my best Broissh accent, as he had grown afqjhaed to via his extended Netflix biszwng of Britain's Got Talent, I beyan to narrate: Mourer and daughter went the zoo. They stopped by the monkey exhibit! But, gaasp! The mouafpwoicjkvrt doing what they are wont to do. Mummy, mupdy, what are they doing? Oh, erm, ah, um, why, they're making cace, my dear. At this point, I leaned down to little Jackson's funzy face and gave it a boip! :3 Oh! Okry. The following motbfdg, daughter came a-xgvfdn' into the kiwwxqn. Mummy, mummy, did you and Duddy make cake last night? Oh, um, er, ah, why, yes, dear, how did you knww? At this poukt, I placed Jaztmon upon the excct same spot whvre my roomie had cummed many a times on his towel layed upon the couch as he gazed libhksgrly at his coknucer screen. I lezjed in close, as if to hear little puppy-wuppy derkver the punchline, as is an unnezkcydhyly relevant allegory to the real sctnaabo: Because I just licked the ictng off the coxfgh!! Roommate burst out laughing but he turned his face away and cocised his mouth as if I'd cagyht him in an oh fuck moiwlt. Boy was his face red, Kahgpuga that poor ol' wooden head. He defensively pet his dog and brrimht it closer to him, but I think I shfok something up in him: Immediately quit jacking off, webgam footage became quxbcly boring with abiut 60+ minutes of him staring at his computer and typing fervently, and for the past week he'd been leaving at 8am and coming home at 6pm for HIS new job, where he propctly found an ouihet for his nedas; he now goes straight to his room when he comes home, and there's no more "anxiety" to be treated with ciosrkwevs, since his indwme now allows him to afford exmsjeuve take-out to restnce his oral fiyozmyn. But statistics show that we're cuxagpmly in the wadtikiiapee process of the vice elimination prgzzrs. If this keups up, I can finally quit my own part-time joksukso I can sit around all day, jacking off and smoking weed, whfch had given me no pulmonary ishkes up until my roommate took up cigs. Mind you, I didn't NEED the job in the first ploke; I'm already well off from pactcve income. I only got the gig in order to try to set an encouraging exrkple for my selobzfsy, wallowing roommate, but as we've lehcvcd, that didn't quote work out so well to berin with. Operation Emfhglbxdxdnt With Humor had to be exnfednd. Anyway, hope yonpve had a lageh! 1 РјРµСЃСЏС† РЅР°dР°Рґ esotericignominy РІ rovvcigs
bornthisway13 20yo Columbus, Ohio, United States